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“Even if you give them a little bit of room in terms of looks, that still leaves a really high bar for Asian men to be considered attractive at all.” To improve his success rate on Match.com, Maltempo created a rule for himself.
Rather than cast a wide net, he would message just one woman per week.
This alleviated the feeling of being overwhelmed and helped him get to know the person he was interested in.
Maltempo compared this approach to meeting people at a mixer, where you can gauge your chemistry with only one person at a time.
“Maybe they’d talk about how they’re really into anime, manga or ‘Have you seen that scary Japanese or Korean movie?
’ The media interests rather than culture interests made it kind of shallow.” The bias Asian men encounter in dating bleeds into other parts of their lives as well.
He asked himself: “Would people notice [me] if I was a large bearded white guy who likes hiking? I don’t need it in online dating, too.] After nearly three years on Ok Cupid, Montecillo met his current girlfriend, who is Caucasian.
His approach was to emphasize his interests (he and his girlfriend are both big fans of Radiotopia podcasts); and keep his profile short but interesting.
It was around then that he saw Ok Cupid’s data on race and attraction.
But when Montecillo reached the section that asked for his ethnicity, he hesitated.
Montecillo, whose parents are Filipino, was born in New York and spent 13 years living in Hong Kong.
Alan Montecillo logged on to Ok Cupid and started filling out his profile.
He wrote down his height (6 feet), listed his interests (podcasts, basketball, reading) and included photos of himself outdoors.
A little over a year later, Maltempo married a woman he met on the site.